Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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