Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
