My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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