I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
