I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
