Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
