so that wasnt chicken after all
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
