walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
