boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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