I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize