She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
