3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
it's like iHOP with fire
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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