I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
