Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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