Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
