I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
