Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
