She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
