Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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