Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I think a kid would responsible me up
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
