just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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