I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
