allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
