You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
