It's Friday. Sex?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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