Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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