But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
