Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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