He kissed a someone with a penis
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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