Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
