the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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