I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize