oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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