capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
