Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
