meet me or not, i'm out of control
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
