The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
