i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
