Plan B is the new Plan A
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
