Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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