I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You need Xanax blowdarts
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
