It's like God shit irony all over that family
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
