Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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