3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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