When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We talked him into tasing himself.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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