you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
