They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
