happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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