me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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