I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
