I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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