just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
