No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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