I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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