Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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