All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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