Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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