it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
