I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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