if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
