If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
