According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
