I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
