Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
