Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize