Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
