explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize