I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
