Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
