Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
