I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
