dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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